“I wish she’d contracted cancer instead.” It’s a devastating statement, but one Martin Frizell makes with heartbreaking honesty as he talks about watching his wife, broadcaster Fiona Phillips, 64, battle early onset Alzheimer’s. 'It’s a shocking thing to say,' he admits, 'but at least then she might have had a chance of a cure.’
Diagnosed at 61, Fiona — who has already lost both parents, grandparents and an uncle to the disease — is facing the cruel illness head-on, surrounded by the life and memories she and Martin built together.
At home everywhere, Fiona Phillips,64, looks around her kitchen and sees happy memories of the incredible life she’s enjoyed.
Framed family photos with husband, ex This Morning boss Martin Frizell, 66, and their boys Nathaniel and Mackenzie on long ago beach holidays in Dorset share a shelf with more glamorous ones. There’s one of Fiona and Martin dressed up to the nines at a film premiere – a perk of their long, successful TV careers.
‘I know they are there,’ says Fiona. ‘And yet so many of them feel out of my reach now…’
‘It’s like I stretch out to touch them, but then just as I’m about to grasp it, the memory skips away from me. And I can’t catch up with it. Like trying to chase a £5 note that’s fallen out of your purse on a gusty day. Each time I think I’ve caught it, it whips away again.’
For at 61, Fiona was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and, naturally, she was angry.
‘This disease has ravaged my family and now it’s come for me,’ the former breakfast TV host, who’d already lost both parents, grandparents and an uncle to the disease, told us when announcing the news.
Inevitably, life has changed dramatically for her. It’s telling that for a woman who made such a hugely successful career based on words, she’s needed help from Martin and her long-standing friend, journalist Alison Phillips to write her new book Remember When.
Otherwise, as she’s readily admitted, ‘I couldn’t be writing this at all.’ Chatting too, a skill she inherited from her late mum, Amy, that came so naturally to her on the famous red GMTV sofa, is now a struggle.
‘I used to be able to talk to anyone about anything. Nowadays, I can find talking about my life agonisingly difficult. Sometimes I get halfway through a sentence, and I can’t remember where I was heading with it or the word I was looking for. It feels awful.’
Initially, despite suffering no hot flushes, Fiona dismissed her increasing brain fog, mood swings and anxiety problems as menopause symptoms.
‘Even I was finding my behaviour unpredictable,’ says Fiona, who became terrified of driving despite years spent behind the wheel of her Mini in London and on long weekend trips to Wales with the boys to see family. Simple tasks like visiting the bank also created huge panic in her.
‘And yet, despite not wanting to be like that, I couldn't do anything about it. I felt I'd lost control over my life,’ she adds.
There had been other strains in recent years – work pressures, redundancy for Martin and a failed pub venture – which had affected her and their marriage. So much so, Martin moved out and they separated for three weeks.
But Fiona believes, ‘I’m sure the disease was at least partly responsible, but at the time neither of us could see it.’
It was leading menopause expert, Dr Louise Newson, who’d been appearing on This Morning, where Martin was editor, that stepped in to point towards the real reason in 2022.
Martin recalls, ‘The previous 12 months had been incredibly difficult. It felt like Fiona was slipping further and further away from me, Nat and Mackenzie.’
‘Why, as bright, educated people, we didn't think this might be the beginning of Alzheimer’s,' he admits. ‘I honestly don't know.’
Fiona herself told friends, 'This illness has devastated so much of my life already, surely it's not going to come for me too?’
But following blood tests and months of unsuccessful hormone replacement therapy, Dr Newson told Martin, ‘Look, I think this may be something more than menopause and Fiona needs to be properly assessed.’
After more tests and an inconclusive MRI scan, a lumbar puncture revealed the devastating diagnosis of Alzheimer’s.
After the news was broken to Martin and Fiona, she recalls, ‘We stood on the pavement outside the hospital in complete and utter shock. Then Martin said: “Right, well, shall we go and have a drink?” “Yes, let’s,” I replied. “I think I need a drink”.’
Yet despite their many struggles, Fiona, who always thought she may get the disease in her 80s or 90s, is determined to create some hope.
‘I hope this book can show people a little about what it’s like to live with Alzheimer’s. How frightening and confusing it is. But also how much life can still bring joy and be valued,’ she says.
Presumably, she means times like listening to music by The Stylistics, which transports her back to her teenage years.
‘She begins to sing, word perfect,’ says Martin. ‘And I stroke her hair as she says, “Please don’t leave me”.’
Tragically, it's Fiona that’s leaving Martin and their boys as they say ‘a slow goodbye to the woman they love.’
Available to pre-order now
Carole Richardson is a journalist and ghostwriter who has contributed to Yours magazine for over fifteen years, interviewing celebrities and extraordinary everyday people. She began ghostwriting nearly a decade ago, with her first book becoming a Sunday Times top ten bestseller.