How to find love at 50, 60, 70+

By Kate Corr

Yours magazine

06 September 2010 09:00


Improve your chances of romance, whatever your age!

"It was hard enough when you were in your 20s, so the thought of dating again may fill you with dread. But it needn’t be an ordeal," says mid- life dating expert Paula Rosdol, 52. "You are never too old to love, or be loved," says Paula, who regularly helps women in their 70s find love again.

Here’s how to get started…


IN YOUR 50s

You really wish you could meet someone, but you already have so many commitments, you just don’t have the time…

1. Stop making excuses

It’s natural to feel scared about dating again, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past or single for a few years. But don’t let fear prevent you getting something you really want. Make a list of all the excuses you’re making and see them for what they are: fear. Now make a choice to be brave!

2. Learn from past mistakes

Where did your past relationships go wrong? Are you attracted to men who aren’t good for you? Are you ready to change? If you’ve had relationships with men who’ve been unfaithful or abusive, counselling may help you understand why. Call Relate on 0300 100 1234 or go to www.relate.org.uk

3. Be open-minded

If he has to be 6ft tall, slim and aged between 45-50 you are not being realistic. "Be flexible about age," says Paula Rosdol. "Women in their 50s often say they don’t want to date men in their 60s because they’re too old. But I’ve dated men in their 60s that I couldn’t keep up with, so be open minded. At 50, I’d suggest an age limit of 65."

4. Always look your best

"All women, no matter what their shape, size or age have something beautiful about them," says Paula. So make the most of pretty eyes, elegant hands, a curvy figure or fabulous hair. If this sounds superficial - after all, you’re a warm, loving person why should it matter what you look like? - be warned. "Like it or not, men are visual creatures. They will never get to know the inner you unless they are first attracted to the outer you."


IN YOUR 60s

You sometimes feel very lonely and would love to have someone special in your life - but you’re far too old to start dating again…aren’t you?

1. Change your attitude

If you feel great about yourself, men are far more likely to want to meet you. "Men are attracted to radiance in a women," says Paula Rosdol. Positive people are much more attractive than negative ones. So focus on what you have, not what you’ve lost, and make finding a new relationship a priority.

2. Dress youthfully

Take a risk. Get a new hairstyle, buy funky, modern jewellery and accessories (try Primark if money’s tight) or wear a bright colour to make yourself stand out from the crowd. Dressing youthfully helps you lighten up, have fun and feel vibrant which, in turn, will make men look at you more.

3. Don’t give up

‘Statistically, there are less available men in this age group so accept the fact that you may have to work hard, be patient and persevere. "I dated 125 men before meeting my second husband Paul," reveals Paula. "So I’m proof that it isn’t impossible!"

4. Do something different

Make an effort to get out more. Try joining a book club, or a choir, take up ballroom dancing or voluntary work and open your eyes to the people around you. There could be a very nice man standing at the bus stop, but if you’re not looking, you’ll never see him.


IN YOUR 70s

You may have lost someone very dear to you and, although you feel ready to meet someone new, you are also worried about what others might think.

1. You deserve happiness

Why shouldn’t you have someone special in your life? Surely friends and family don’t want you to be miserable and lonely? In fact, they may be delighted to see you embracing life again. Either way, you won’t know until you try.

2. Who are you looking for?

Be honest. Do you want someone new - or a carbon copy of the person you’ve lost? "The biggest mistake women make is to look for a replacement for their husband," says Paula Rosdol. You can find love again with another person, but it won’t be your husband. If that’s all what you really want, then you’re not ready to look.

3. Have fun!

You may meet many men who are very nice, but who you don’t envisage as long-term partners. This doesn’t mean the date was a failure. "A definition of a good date is that you had a great time and that you learnt something about yourself," says Paula. "Be the best you can be and live in the present - that way, you’ll feel good about yourself, no matter what happens."

4. Remember how special you are

A woman with your amount of wisdom, experience and maturity, who takes pride in her appearance and who obviously enjoys life, has so much to offer. This is a very powerful and attractive mix, and it‘s one that no 30-year-old can ever compete with - so enjoy!

A word about internet dating

It’s never been easier to meet a man on-line but make sure you do it safely. Don’t ever give out your personal details (such as address and telephone number) until you’ve met and are absolutely sure you like and trust him. First dates should be in a busy, public place and tell friends where you‘re going and when you‘ll be back. Trust your instinct - if you don’t feel comfortable, don’t see him again.

For more information and advice on dating visit www.paularosdol.com