Yours Magazine

Remembering my son, Jimmy

Yours magazine

09 April 2009 16:14

Brave parents Margaret and Barry Mizen, aged 56 and 57, hit the headlines with their dignified reaction to their son’s brutal murder in a bakery near their south London home. The morning after his killer was brought to justice Margaret – a Yours reader shared her moving thoughts with us in this open letter to her son.

My darling son Jimmy

You won't remember the first time I nearly lost you because you were only four months old when I rushed you to hospital, looking sickly and grey. In panic, I'd pulled one of your older brother's tracksuit bottoms on as I carried you. Your dad was at work and your siblings – Joanne (37); Danny (31); Billy (28); Tommy (27); Bobby (25); Samantha (22); and Harry (19) trooped behind. Your little brother George (9) hadn't yet been born.

Thank God, I got you to the doctor early and you survived meningitis. It meant we were blessed with 16 wonderful years of loving you.

Perhaps that's one reason I've coped with your brutal death. Even today – the morning after my prayers were answered and your murderer is safely behind bars – I can't be angry or bitter. Only so very sorry, my darling son, that I couldn't make it in time to save you this time despite sprinting barefoot when I heard the news…

How I miss you, you big lump! Now there's nobody to do my garden and I still find myself making enough tea for you as well. It's been nearly a year now and I still can't get the numbers right especially if it's your favourite macaroni cheese. Every time I open the fridge door and see cheese or ham still in there I'm amazed and my heart breaks again.

Your infectious smile's all over the papers today. It is that image I focus on - not the fear I saw on your face as you lay in the mortuary.
The smiles of your brothers and sisters have changed though. There’s something missing from their eyes - a sparkle. You Jimmy.
But at least we smile and laugh whenever we think about you. And we talk about you all the time.

Gentle giant
I often cry in the middle of the night but your dad’s arms are there for me. Sometimes tears come too when I’m washing up. You were my 6ft 4in gentle giant. Remember that three-way cuddle me, you and your dad had in the kitchen on your 16th birthday - the night before you died?

We’d just given you an IOU for a plane ticket to America you never got to use. You were everyone’s darling. I wish I could say one bad word about you but I can’t. (Apart from not putting your socks in the laundry basket.)

You weren’t academic and I never pushed you to be. But my proudest moment was collecting your eight GCSE s with your dad. We got a standing ovation at the ceremony. An A grade for RE! Now that was a miracle!

Acts of kindness
Since that terrible day, all sorts of people have told us about your good deeds. So much kindness we didn’t even know about. The homeless person who laid his rug down amongst the flowers in tribute to thank you for the chips you used to buy him. The old lady down the road whose shopping you carried. All those passengers you stood up for on the bus.

Stories of your kindness have helped ease the pain of losing you. But every morning I wake up with an ache in my heart. Your little brother George has to sleep on a mattress in our room and your sister Samantha, with Down’s Syndrome, gets anxious when anyone goes out in case they don’t come back .

“See you later baked potato!” you said in your fake Cockney accent before heading off to buy your first lottery ticket on what was to be your last day. We sat down together as I explained the system. I’ve had to throw out that sofa since because I couldn’t bear to think of the last time we sat on it.
Your presence is all around us. It probably won’t surprise you to know that in all of this, my strong Catholic faith has never waned. Not once. You’re safe in Heaven and probably dancing!

Our family has also taken great comfort from two white feathers which apparently is the traditional sign from the angel looking after you up there.
The first was given to us by a policeman who found it on your body at the bakery. The second appeared at your dad’s foot when we were at a meeting to discuss apprenticeships set up in your memory.

Convicted of murder
Since your death in May last year so much has happened - Jake Fahri (19) was convicted of murder and jailed for life at the Old Bailey yesterday. It was the right verdict but I got quite upset and couldn’t stop crying that evening. Your dad went to a prayer meeting and your brothers went to the pub but I was so tired I couldn’t move from the chair.

That trial was a nightmare – worse than your death. I couldn’t listen to the evidence about your final moments. It’s a great comfort to me you died in the arms of your brother Tommy (27). He shielded me from seeing you and I’m still embarrassed that I fainted. Normally I’m so strong.

What can hate solve?
It was so hard too sitting in court listening to lies told about you and Harry by Fahri’s defence lawyers trying to claim he was acting in self defence.
Still, if Fahri genuinely asked for my forgiveness I’d have room in my heart to forgive him. “We’ve all tried to hate him and can’t. What’s hate going to solve? It would make us as bad as him.

If we’ve seen the worst of society, we’ve also seen the best. Support has come from all directions. I haven’t made a meal for a fortnight. Every day we came back from court there was dinner waiting thanks to a group of mums at George’s school. Auntie Dawn did all the washing.

People say good can come from bad. I think your death proves it. We’re launching a charity in your memory to provide scout mini buses and opportunities for young people.

Your dad and I feel God’s given us a platform for change. We want to make the streets safer. We’ve already given talks in one school troubled by gang members – and we plan to spread our message of hope and peace.

Next month I’ll be climbing Snowdonia to raise money for it. Every step of the way, you’ll be with me in my heart, Jimmy - where you’ll live forever.

Donations can be sent to the Jimmy Mizen Bus Appeal, Our Lady of Lourdes Church, 45b Burnt Ash Hill, Lee, London SE12 0AE.
Or online at www.jimmymizen.co.uk

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