22 January 2008 10:30

I’ve recently left my husband of 35 years. We’ve not been happy for some time and have separated but I’m not sure if I can cope without him. Can you help?

Yours Expert Answer

Yours Relationship Expert

By Yours Relationship Expert

New figures show that couples aged 50-plus are divorcing in record numbers.
In fact, they’re the fastest growing age group to untie the knot and two million divorcees are aged 50 plus.  

Breaking up is hard to do and recovery can seem impossible after a lifetime with one person. But it is possible to emerge from the end of a relationship as a stronger person.

Jenny Firth knows from experience how shattering divorce can be. She was a young mum when her husband left her, but now she’s happily re-married and has ‘a civilized relationship’ with her ex-husband.

Jenny uses her experiences to runs Divorce Recovery Workshops – part of a national organisation, which supports people after relationships break down.

“Recovery after divorce is much, much harder than bereavement,” said Jenny, from Oundle, Northants. “In a break up the individual usually experiences all the trauma of a bereaved person, plus other conflicting emotions.

“In bereavement people usually feel love, and in time they can look back on happy memories.

“If someone walks out of a marriage after 20 or even 40 years, the person who is left has a lot of pain to cope with. Someone may leave saying they’ve never loved their partner. Things like that can be very difficult to cope with.

“Socialising is hell and many people feel there is still a stigma with divorce.”

People often need to pluck up courage to join the course, but they will find friendship and support, says Jenny. “We see a huge change in people during the six-week course They are always much stronger by the end of it.”

 

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