Relationships > Marriage & Divorce

Does the member get the replies that are sent in?

Its been a long time since your post and hope things have improved and hope you pop on here and read my post.

Men and sex!!!  I have been wed for 44 years and it's still not right as our expectations and libidos are different.  It takes no-end of wisdom, tolerance and love to overcome sexual difficulties particularly of the emotional nature. Its not all about men's physical dysfunctions like erectile problems caused through ill health or tiredness. It's also about the sensitive psyche of the male and female and a man's ego plays a huge part of the sexual side of a relationship, in my view.

A woman's refusal of sex is a big rebuff for some men and they can behave in all sorts of ways: sulk, go off into their caves, throw a wobbler and get angry and abusive and all this does nothing to make the partner feel loved and more sexy. barriers are built between a couple and unless sorted can turn into hidden resentments on both sides.

Its so important to try to talk to eachother and this is easier said than done and I know as I have been there big-time over the years.  Good communication is vital! Being strategic and tactful is important part of getting a grumpy bloke to actually talk about any problems.  I could not get my man to counselling or therapy, pigs will fly!!   Sukrita is right in her post. we are all so different, arn't we?  Therapy can suit one and not someone else who can find it excruciatingly embarrassing while others like me find it a catharsis.

Anyway, I do hope you are ok and best wishes.  Chrissyxx

Men can be incredibly sensitive if rebuffed-at least, my husband was, when we went through a bad patch.We are over it now, but at one stage, I thought that we were celibate for life! I'm quite a persistent person, and insisted on cuddling him, even if he stiffened, or turned away.In the end, I wore him down, and at times, are like a honeymoon couple. We talked about it later, and he'd read my tiredness due to night sweats, etc as an excuse, which it wasn't.He needed reassurance, but I also realised that I'd got into a habit of being rather irritable, as I was feeling out of sorts, and this wasn't attractive. Try giving him compliments about something, during the daytime, and doing little affectionate things like kissing the top of his head, or touching him in various non sexual ways whenever it seems natural. Also, if you have the money to do so, book a weekend break, or plan a trip.There's something about a change from the humdrum routine which can be sexy.If you can't do that, have a special meal at home, and go to some trouble.You know the old addage about the way to a man's heart being through his tummy?Well, in my case, that was part of the way that I reassured my sensitive hubby that I still loved him, and it worked for me. Try the sex therapy too.I think that they "forbid" full intercourse at first, to take the pressure off the situation, and talk about providing pleasure by gentle touch all over the body, and sometimes by the use of sex toys.Relate's website will tell you more.- Good luck.