Relationships > Caring

The best advice I was given was don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling. To that I would add cry, scream, shout, swear  -  let your feelings out. They are natural and you should not be ashamed of them. There is no time limit to grief, it takes as long as it takes, The pain does ease and your memories will comfort you. Eventually you  will make a new life for yourself.

I have also found it very difficult coping with bereavement.  I lost my husband in April this year, we also had been married for almost 40 years.  He had been terminally ill for 3 years and seemed indestructable, he would bounce back all the time.  I am still finding anything will bring me to tears, I am able to talk about him with people but I am so very lonely.  The house is so empty without him, I have found it very difficult to get myself motivated.  I had councelling, group and singular, but I just didn't find it helped me. Stupid of me, I feel nobody really understands how I feel.  I, so desperately wanted to be hugged and told everything will be OK, re-assured that I am not the only one hurting.

The above readers comments were all true,but the hardest thing is to go into a restaurant or cafe  and eat alone.

My Husband passed away on 7th august 2007 . His 60th birthday was on 2nd of August only five days before the horrible day, [as we call it], and our sons birthday is 6th August, so all dates are so close together, and our 42nd anniversary would have been 7th September. We can,t beleive that the past year has gone by so quickly, or has it just seemed like that for us,and missing him so much each and every day ,that one day just follows the next, for me the difference was he was always around on Saturday and Sunday, but now he,s not. As it was a heart attack, so unexpected, our extra grief was added to by the Ambulance being sent to the wrong address by the dispatcher, and it was nearly tweny five minutes before it arrived for my husband instead of beeing here within the seven golden minutes as they say,which it would have been ,had the dispatcher followed the correct procedure,which she failed to do.I was not allowed in the back of the first Ambulance [ yes I ended up with two ] I had to go in the second one, then when I got to the hospital I was also not allowed in with my Husband, after having meetings with the P.A.L.S. hospital group, it was said that it wasn,t hospital procedure to be refused to be with a loved one , but as it was a junior Doctor and she had only been there six days ,she hadn,t been informed about it, and they say it shouldn,t happen ever again, to late to make a difference to my added grief as well as the Ambulance, Those two little words come to mind so many times with us, IF ONLY or WHAT IF. I will always miss my husband so very much ,and never stop loving him, he was my other half, so many times we have our moments as my Daughter and I call them when we are with our tears, her for her Dad and me for my Husband, and I also feel the pain and grief for my Son and daughter, as mums do. Everyone has so many things to say about bereavement, they write books that have endings, but there is no end to it at all. I,m sorry to have maybe waffled on but feel that people greiveing will understand. Rainbow Angel

It is now 3.1/2 years now that my husband of 47 years past. The edge of grief is starting to fade now and I can laugh and smile again. I see friends and relatives, but I don't think that I shall ever get over not having that close relationship I had with him,as we knew what each was thinking almost, and my life was with him, and I had no outside friends as such. Diffrent life now, but still good, but don't look to create the same as you had before, it will not happen, unless you replace him, and I have no desire to go down that road.