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You are in... Forums > Have your say! > Family Matters > The Grandchildren and You!

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Toots

Joined:

Oct 06

Posts: 5470

Toots says:

The Grandchildren and You!

Here is another poser.

If you have GCof about 10years and six years. are you very close to them?  we have three GC baby Lauren just 3 months old. Sophie is 10 this month and James her bruv is six in July.

Ias a loving GP I feel that I am on the sidelines and watching them grow up into hopefully good decent adults. cant see why not, mind. I feel left behind and not exactly neglected but not the No 1 I used to be when our sons were young and not wed with families. I do like to be involved and foind it hard to stay on the shadows but I do not interfere or try to live their lives thats why we all get on so well.

I often hear and read abnout GP that are very close to their GC and they sleep over and visit nanny & granddad often, share secrets and have fun make cakes together and go on outings. We live about 40 minds away but we only get to see them if we go over there and son and DIL only come over once or twice a year and its usually on invite from me and hubby. I get on very well with DIL and sone and the GC but I just do not feel that closeness. They do live very busy modern lives like many.

I cant help but envy GP that are very close to their GC. Am I a grouch and really should be lucky to be blessed with lovely families?

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barbaraclough

Joined:

Jan 07

Posts: 2208

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

I have 4 Grandchildren....3 live 8 miles away and I see them every week..I go to their house and  the other Grandson..an only child lives in Suffolk..and I see him at least once a month...I also keep in touch by phone and FaceBook...I am involved in their lives but only as a Grandparent..parenting is left to their parents...As for closness it is a 2 way street.and if you are retired you no doubt have more time to viist. My house doesn't have the room for sleep overs ..Also they are busy with scouts school etc etc...Remember they are your children children. Also there is no hard and fast rule as to how often you see your Grandchildren...( 3 of mine rarely if ever see their other Grandma and she lives closer !!)...So Toots you can't be Number One as you were with your Sons....its now their turn to be Number One with their children.

Ann Essex Maid in Yorkshire

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LITTLE-ONE

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 4664

LITTLE-ONE says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

Toots you are lucky in that you do see your GC and vice-verses. I thing as you GC are still so young it maybe a bit hard to organize sleep overs etc. Maybe you can ask about a weekend as a family and your stay there or they stay with you. Maybe while this happens they can go out for the evening while you watch the children in there home. Put the idea to them as a way to let them have their quality time as adults and you can then also bond more with the GC, just an idea.
Unfortunately my OH parents have never really bothered with there first GC who is now nearly seventeen. He rarely stayed over or was even baby sat. Unlike my SIL child whom was taking out on trips and holidays etc. They also live only a couple miles away and only ever visited once a year, now never. We had to make the effort to visit them,My SIL lives 15miles away and they visit quite often. When my OH fell out with his Father last April we made sure they had our son's phone number so they did not lose contact. Although my son has seen and spoke to his nan on the odd occasion he has had no contact with his granddad. We never go to there home but meet his nan by chance sometimes at his great nan's. It is a sad case as we have try to get that bond but they never work at it. So now my son does not really want anything to do with them. He like his great nan but has never stay there that often but he does have time for her. He will visit her on his own but prefer it when his great granddad was alive. He said the house feel strange without him there so fines this hard now.
I think you are doing all right by just been there and not to pushy. As I said they are a young family so they are learning how it works too.

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Isabel from Exeter Devon You are never alone when you are on here :)

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curl

Joined:

Jul 07

Posts: 6212

curl says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

Hi Toots,

40 miles is quite a distance to keep up with what the family are doing and to be involved as such, and although I never had any rug rats of my own, when my nieces and nephews were growing up they each came to stay with me for a week every year and we also took them away with us for a week on holiday, individually - could only cope with one at a time! but the others knew it would be their turn the following year. Maybe your six year old GC is too young for this at the moment, but your l0 year old GC could be invited, through Mum and Dad of course!!

No your not a grouch - give yourself a pat on the back, it seems to me you have done a good job and they have developed their own lovely independent Unit.

Janexx
 

Janexx

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Toots

Joined:

Oct 06

Posts: 5470

Toots says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

Thanks to your posts.

I suppose because I did not have a particularly loving grandparents I always wanted a closeness with my own that I never had and an only child too. I was cut off from my rellies a bit but saw cousins to play with and fave aunts and uncs. We were a happy family unit.

I think also I like to be in control of things and people too but not in a horrid way but a loving involved way. Maybe if we'd had a daughter , a good one this would have made a difference. I do get on very well with both my DIL and this is truly a blessing.  I enjoy my family popping in as and when but their busy lives do not allow this and also I lead a bustylife too. I came from a community and a nucleas family that lived within streets of eachother and there was always someone calling in and the door never locked and a key on a bit of string. Those were the days!!

We now have baby Lauren who is three months old ands we get to see her and have a great time with her. I hope as she gets older and old enough to stay with nanny and GD this will happen. I think it will God willing.

Yes, our GS is far too young for sleep overs and I will ask my son and DIL if Sophie can come over one day. She did last year and we had a great  as we both like art and drawing and painting and she loved the spare room with all my bits and bobs and bling to fiddle about with. and she liked being near to our bedroom as hers at home is some strestch away from Mummy & Daddies.

I must have been in a funny mnood when I started this thread. Feel better now!!

 

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Toots

Joined:

Oct 06

Posts: 5470

Toots says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

Thanks Isabel!

What a shame about your OH parents not being good GP. I suppose all folk are diverse in respect of affection and family feelings.  I just can't imagine anyone not getting on with their GP. My Nan and GD had dozens of GC anfd GGC and I was just one of the many and no favourite. GP was nice though.

Its good to know your son is fond of his Gt Nan and I bet she relishes his visits and I hope he keeps them up even if his Gt GD is no longer there. It appears there was tension between you OH and his parents, what a pity.. Do you think that maybe its the generation? Our GP lived in an era of Victorian principlas and rigid life-styles and did not always show afection or even tactile with there own children  I believe that children follow by example. not always follows through of course. Children born in the early 20th century were in many families brought with strict moral codes and kept their feeling to themselves.

Pride was and still is big factoer with many of the od generation. My Mum would never say she was sorry to me and this was a draw-back between us in minor differences. 

I have taken your thoughts on board about Sophie having a sleep over one day. If she does not want to I will not be upset as I know she loves me and GD.

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MAI

Joined:

Jan 08

Posts: 5133

Online

MAI says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

Toots, you are very lucky that you get on with your DIL's which as you say is a blessing,  my SIL would never let her two daughters stay with my Mum and Dad,  which they would have loved,  she was very possessive of my Brother,  I think women like this lack self confidence and are afraid they will lose their OH if they share them with anyone, and it's so sad, I feel a bit sorry for them really as they will never be truly happy, but as they grew older,  one of them used to visit on her own and when  she had four children of her own she brought every one to see my Mum  nearly every week, my Mum and Dad are gone now but she always visits me with all her family,  and one of her girls stays over regularly,  the other daughter (my other neice)  is like her Mother and lives her own life.    I think  as your grandchildren get older  they will see what they are missing and want to come and stay on their own with Gramma and Gramps to be spoilt rotten!!   Maybe Sophie could come over for a few days holiday in the Summer break,   i'm sure she would love it. 

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be............ Health is Wealth.............. A woman is like a tea bag, you don't know how strong until they are in hot water!

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Toots

Joined:

Oct 06

Posts: 5470

Toots says:

Possessiveness

Hi Mai.

As much as I get get on with our DIL she too is very possessive of our son, always was even when they were courting.  I feel this is the reason we do not to see our GC as often as we could. DIL is very territorial and seem to keep the kids to themselves. She very rarely comes to see us on her own with the GC despite lots of invites, I have given up now mind as it never transpires. Its not that we do not get on,mind.I am fond of her but she is possessive. This is a barrier as I feel. She is the same with her pwn parents so its not personal. Our other DIL is the opposite and we see our new GC Lauren as much as possible and there is no possessiveness at all.

I have been ill for some time and recently with a fractured ankle and we have not seen out two GC for ages. I said to my hubby, that it would be nice if our son and DIL encouraged the eldest to phone us up and speak to Nanny but no, silence on that score.   I have suggested that Sophie comes over for a couple of days but the excuse is its not fair on James who is six. I said he can come over anytime he wants to but he may fret as he is so young. No joy there! I will again ask our son and DIL about Sophie having a sleepover in the hols.

I was never possessive with our boys and they enjopyed their Nanny and Granddad and Nanny Mott who wasa widow to the hilt and styed over and loved the special bed that was so comfy. I jst feel that our lovely GC are mising out on the closeness I feel we lack. when they grow up they may not want to see us and just go their own sweet way ans many youngsters do. still at least we are are all on good terms, thankk God!

I am pleased you told me about this possessiveness as I can reason things out with the input on here

Thank you all

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MAI

Joined:

Jan 08

Posts: 5133

Online

MAI says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

Toots said:

Hi Mai.

As much as I get get on with our DIL she too is very possessive of our son, always was even when they were courting.  I feel this is the reason we do not to see our GC as often as we could. DIL is very territorial and seem to keep the kids to themselves. She very rarely comes to see us on her own with the GC despite lots of invites, I have given up now mind as it never transpires. Its not that we do not get on,mind.I am fond of her but she is possessive. This is a barrier as I feel. She is the same with her pwn parents so its not personal. Our other DIL is the opposite and we see our new GC Lauren as much as possible and there is no possessiveness at all.

I have been ill for some time and recently with a fractured ankle and we have not seen out two GC for ages. I said to my hubby, that it would be nice if our son and DIL encouraged the eldest to phone us up and speak to Nanny but no, silence on that score.   I have suggested that Sophie comes over for a couple of days but the excuse is its not fair on James who is six. I said he can come over anytime he wants to but he may fret as he is so young. No joy there! I will again ask our son and DIL about Sophie having a sleepover in the hols.

I was never possessive with our boys and they enjopyed their Nanny and Granddad and Nanny Mott who wasa widow to the hilt and styed over and loved the special bed that was so comfy. I jst feel that our lovely GC are mising out on the closeness I feel we lack. when they grow up they may not want to see us and just go their own sweet way ans many youngsters do. still at least we are are all on good terms, thankk God!

I am pleased you told me about this possessiveness as I can reason things out with the input on here

Thank you all

 Glad this has helped you Toots, don't give up on your GChildren, as I said when they are older they will be able to see things for themselves,  just keep showing them how much you love them.

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be............ Health is Wealth.............. A woman is like a tea bag, you don't know how strong until they are in hot water!

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Toots

Joined:

Oct 06

Posts: 5470

Toots says:

Keeing the ties

Hopefully, Mai.  I feel many of todays children are thrown into a world of hi tech gadgets and lead lives of their own with their friends who also own these gismos. Not all of course but in our Gc's case the world they live in is quite affluent and they want for nothing in the material sense and I do wonder if they will become desensitised, especially if the parents and in this case our soin and DIL do not encourage their offspring to be close to rellies especially Nanny & GD. Our DIL possessiveness is the key to all this, I feel. Just hope the kids will have a mind of their own as they grow up.

Its Sophies 10 b/day this week and we have bought her a lovely present which she will love. Looking forward to seeing the family on the morrow.

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Sally

Joined:

Nov 06

Posts: 22379

Sally says:

Re: The Grandchildren and You!

We have a wonderful relationship with our grandson, and our daughter has also had wonderful relationships with both sets of her grandparents, my mum is now the only surviving grandparent and still has that special grandma/grandaughter relationship and gets lots of visits from her g.grandson.

I had a wonderful relationship with my late m.i.l who had 12 grandchildren, I miss her so much.  She always said that the most precious gift you could give or receive is your time.

Toots, I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say that some children will become desensitised to family values and relationships, very sad.

SALLY

Margaret South Wales

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